What If?

January 31, 2018

My Super Blue Blood Moon experience today filled my senses with awe and my soul with awakening! A few days ago I realized that the view I would get from my employee housing here at Anza-Borrego Desert State Park would limit my experience to just the beginning of the totality phase of the eclipse. “That’s not good enough!” I declared. As a creator of fulfillment (in difference to a settler for whatever comes), I asked, “Where can I go to get the fullest eclipse experience? I need to be able to see the horizon!” Where better to see the western horizon than the west coast! read more

High Country Week

Notice and Wonder
August 3, 2017

My Ridgerunning walk this week focused on what’s called the High Country of the Mt Rogers Recreation Area in Virginia.  My first night out on Thursday, I camped at a spot I’ve had my eye on while I walked through there other weeks. It’s on Stone Mountain, just south of “The Scales”, an open, grassy field where cattle ranchers would weigh and sell their cattle before driving them down the mountain. The story goes that they realized that the cattle weighed more before they made the descent to town! Now, The Scales is a favorite car camping spot.  I prefer to walk a mile south on the Appalachian Trail, up Stone Mountain, to camp.  There, the grassy, and bushy bald stretches for a mile with expansive views. The low vegetation is broken by groups of short trees, bonsai-like stands of beech trees, just 5″ in diameter and fifteen feet tall. They create inviting rooms of shade, where the wild ponies can cool off.  I walked away from the trail a couple hundred yards and set up my tarp under a sprawling oak tree in a patch of grass.  In the morning, the view across The Scales and the valley below inspired me to take time to do a quick watercolor sketch of  the distant Wilburn Ridge, where the trail would wind its way south. read more

Solo Success

May 11, 2017

Tonight I took a solo adventure! I rode the bike to Borrego Palm Canyon trailhead at dusk. I noticed the upper theatre light on and rode up to turn it off. While sitting quietly on the table there I heard a sound. “A bullfrog?” I wondered. That didn’t seem right. 

Just then, I heard another sound – rocks falling. That could only mean bighorn sheep on the mountainside. Yes! There was a sheep moving across the slope. A second one moved behind it! The croaking sound came again. It was the sheep grunting! read more

It’s Not Him

May 11, 2017

Feeling unfulfilled has nothing to do with him. Being solo has shown me that. It’s clear that my disappointments, low energy, scattered focus and distraction are not caused by him. I’ve done it to myself!

In my solo month, I’ve hardly accomplished any of the things I thought were so important – doing touch for health, painting, journaling. Tiredness has pervaded me. Attraction to the political drama playing out in the country saps my time and dominates my attention. read more

Flexibility

May 1, 2017

I notice this morning that my awareness of my body and my quandary about physical fitness and energy occur as my authentic life. Preparing to participate in Steve’s memorial service amid the Park community occur as tangential occupation. My view is that the Park community is a superficial one, where I act, not where I share deeply, live authentically, reveal my true feelings, forge nourishing friendships. I have integrated Kathy’s admonishment that I shun the Park community as clients, revealing only my skills and interests in park interpretation, not Radical Forgiveness. So, I haven’t. And, just as in other times and venues, my full expression is diluted, and I keep my relationships shallow and pleasant. I go to the memorial as a support person, an observer.  read more

Stretch

April 29, 2017

32 more days solo. I accept my body stiff and feeling fat. I stretch, roll, chant, and breathe Life and Love and Ease and Flexibility into my body. I notice that I thought “precious body” and would not write that. 

“I am not my body, but I love and accept the body I have.”

Desert Sage

April 25, 2017

Solo, walking resolutely toward Maidenhair Falls, desert wanderer interrupts my inner conversation about how to entice others to desert enlightenment. 

His words blend with and expand my own with refreshing validation and nourishment!

“Between the context of stillness and the occurrence of thought the noticing is the knowing.” Unknown

“I love the crunch of walking in the desert. Enjoy the crunch!” Thomas

I did notice the crunch and not I ed that I don’t enjoy it because it sound a noisy and disruptive to me. I’ll consider it. read more

At Home

April 24, 2017

He says, “I feel at home where you are with me.” I cringe. I’ve written this year about feeling empty of myself when we are together. My reply, “I feel at home where I am, too.”

What an irony! “At home” in myself feels so different from “at home” together. Yes, when we’re together, it’s familiar, as I’ve described. I stop talking and sharing. I defer to his preferences. I watch separate entertainment. I go to gatherings he chooses – mostly. I put aside preferred energy-shifting tools. “At home” in myself enjoys indulging in my kids, classical music, slow contemplative walks, especially at sunrise, allowing Forgivenesswalks to form. read more

Solo Begins

April 21, 2017

Yesterday evening, I enjoyed the luxury of solo after completing Be Crepuscular. I felt bonded with the participants and fulfilled by a leisurely walk home. Visiting Duane, camphost, lost its charm when he started complaining that no ranger had said goodbye to the others who had left.  Time for solo!

Today starts my 40-day solo journey! Feeling eager, sleepy. I started with one round of Chakra Chant. I’m planning to ride my bike to the VC. Today’s question is “What are the practices that would be fulfilling during my solo journey?” Painting, morning riding, conscious eating, energy balancing, satori, journaling, visiting… read more

Projection

Fulfillment Partnership Journey

November 1, 2016

I noticed this morning that John asked, “How can I make your morning special?” My response was, “talk with me.”

I ventured into expressing my ever-present imagination of having a life partner who shares my fulfillment. I spoke about that and John listened without balking.

What I noticed is that as soon as I had shared a bit, I balked! I thought, “whoops! There I go again, talking too much, laying out my impossibly demanding, far reaching, complicated, outlandish life-purpose thing that no one else could ever live into! Why can’t I just settle for being loved and cared for?” And then I apologized. read more