Forgiveness Walks

It’s June 1st, 2023 and I’m staying in a hotel in Virginia, halfway between my brother’s house in Charleston, SC and my new homebase in Dayton, OH. It dawned on me, while basking in the cleansing sounds of a singing bowl meditation, that I’ve been dwelling on the memory of a traumatic and unhappy moment that occurred to me on March 3rd. Whenever I replay the moment when my supervisor fired me, I feel awful. My body feels all the tightness and wrongness of the moment.

This morning, though, I asked, “What if that truly was a misperception? What if what I heard was that I was wrong, I was rejected, I needed to be humbled? What if Ray was actually thanking me, regretfully sending me off to a better situation, acknowledging me for taking a stand for excellence and humbly freeing me to receive a new and better-suited environment for my skills?”

Today I realized that I have the power to remember a different memory! I have the power to interpret his letter from a whole new angle! I think I’ll choose that!

Here’s my re-viewing of that moment:

Ray calls me into his office after my transformative walk in Palm Canyon with the exuberant and grateful fourth grade Junior Rangers. He has Ranger Carmen hand me a piece of paper that says, “Separation with Fault”. Well, whose fault? He says, “Regina, I want to thank you for your 8 years of service to the park and immediately send you forth to do your good work elsewhere. Sadly, I’ve realized that your character, your willingness to express your true feelings, and your high standards of excellence just don’t fit our current direction. I wanted to let you go to make other choices before you get dragged down any further in the low vibration I am generating during the next phase of park management. I am not even aware of the details of the programs you have offered, the volunteers you have mentored, and the creative problem-solving you have done as a seasonal employee at the Visitor Center. That’s not my primary concern. What’s more important is that I protect the egos of certain people because they are the ones who resonate with my management style. I have noticed that it’s getting harder and harder for you to keep quiet about my pace of getting projects done and my preference to have other organizations do park programs. There’s just too much talk about Night Sky programs and too many requests for more of them! We just don’t have the capacity to expand what we offer, and I know that’s what you would love to do. I’ve thought about this long and hard and have concluded that I just can’t let you squeeze your creative, energetic spirit any longer. I’m going to have to spare you going into the Visitor Center again, to witness the purging of all the good work you have done. So, please give me your keys and we’ll escort you out. Go in peace, and thank you for tolerating this incompatible environment for as long as you have.”

He hands me a beautiful wood box. In it are colorful notes, photos, cards, and a couple of index cards folded into tiny envelopes. The tiny envelopes hold smaller folded notes. There’s a crumpled piece of tissue paper that wraps a piece of chunky blue chalk. “These are well wishes and messages of gratitude from volunteers, former staff, local students, and even a few visitors. They all want to join me in sending you forth with appreciation for the deep and lasting impact you have had on them and thousands of other visitors who had the pleasure of working with you and receiving your guidance, knowledge, and inspiration. I am so sorry that I won’t have the privelege of enjoying your work as they have. I’m just too busy and focused on petty things to support you at your level of innovation and productiveness as expressed by your colleagues and customers. Blessings on your journey, Regina.”

I finger the box and its contents. Tears fill my eyes as I take in the contrasting emotions and meanings of this moment. The irony of being let go and thanked at the same time washes over me. I give Ray one last look of puzzled gratitude and walk out into my next phase of life.

My reworking of that scene is a work in progress. I do, however, feel lighter and freer and more ready to receive my new occupation. I’ll keep working on this!

In my 10,000 miles, I’ve worn something like 19 pairs of shoes. Among them were 5 pairs of Vasque Breeze, but they’re no longer available. Also was a pair of used white reeboks I bought at a second hand store in a trail town because my fancy dancy trail runners were suddenly too small. I liked a pair of asolos. Now, I’m on my third pair of Oboz sawtooth. I wore through two matching pairs of a new version of Vasque breeze provided as perks for being a ridgerunner. I wear what feels right. Merrell ventilators are comfy but not sturdy enough for me on trail. My hiking partner has chosen them for 14 years.  Just one pair was returned – Keenes. Don’t know why, they rubbed the tops of my feet.

My current walking shoes are Oboz Sawtooth low. I’m on my third pair, with about 1,000 miles on each pair. I like their sturdy foot base and ease of breaking in – there’s practically no break-in!

If the shoe fits , supports, and feels good, wear it. For the first few days, wear them at home, not outside. That way, they’re returnable.

Walk on!

February 27, 2021

My fun job at Anza-Borrego Desert State Park provides opportunities to see and share amazing phenomena. Here’s one: full moon rising over the Badlands. I did livestream videos for the Park’s Facebook page on February 26 and 27. Enjoy my videos!

Some tips for hanging a bear bag:

What I found for myself is that a rope over about 40 feet is more than I need on the AT and the extra just gets tangled up!! Nothing worse than a tangled bear rope.

Reflective is a good idea.

One thing I discovered that is very helpful is “tying” it in a daisy chain for storage. Otherwise, it just gets tangled!

Not only that, I also learned to not tie a rock to the end of the rope when tossing over a branch. Why? Because eventually, the tied rock is going to spin around the branch and be impossible to get down. I have seen many partial ropes dangling from trees. Just wrap the rope around the rock a few times. Yes, it falls off sometimes, so I gather two or three rocks. Maybe there’s a better way, but this works for me.

I hang my bear bag rope first thing when I get to my sleeping spot. In the daylight.

I HAVE had issues just a couple of times with my bag getting stuck. Check out this blogpost for this and a video on my favorite hanging method.

Bear bag Issues

July 28, 2020

I have a client who is diligently doing Radical Forgiveness Worksheets and experiencing surprising shifts in her relationships! She came to me to work on her relationship with her husband and is discovering new openings in several other relationships as well – mostly with herself! During our third call, she said, “My mom called me! She never calls me! And, she was supportive of me too! She has rarely been supportive of me!”

How does this work, anyway? How is it that filling in the blanks in the Making Room for the Miracle Worksheet results in shifts in our situation that could sometimes be described as miracles?!!

According to the late Colin Tipping, author of Radical Forgiveness, it has to do with getting our conscious mind out of the way and allowing Spirit to guide us and to make changes in the “morphogenetic field”, the energy field that connects everything.  We do that in five stages:

1. Tell the story – our old, victim story, that is
2. Feel the feelings – feelings is where the energy is stuck in our physical body
3. Collapse the energy in the story – just be willing to be open to the idea that there may be something else going on besides what we have been attached to as our reality
4. Reframe the old story
5. Integrate the new story in our physical body

Today, I want to elaborate on whate “Reframing the old story” means.

We can look at this in quite a literal sense, actually! Have you ever taken a painting or photograph to a shop to have it framed? That’s the most challenging and time-consuming part, right? The effect of the picture changes with each color, texture, size, and thickness of the frames the technician tries! When you find one that works just right, that’s the one you order.

Well, it’s like that with reframing our old stories when doing a Radical Forgiveness Worksheet. You see, in our old story, our picture was framed by our limiting beliefs. Frames like “I’m not good enough” or “I will always fail” or “Life is always a struggle” or “I’ll never have enough money” surround our picture of an event or set of circumstances. We get pretty attached to these frames and keep seeing the same pictures over and over again.

Then, we hear about Radical Forgiveness and try out a worksheet or The Thirteen Steps or play a game of Satori. Something happens! We feel lighter and get the idea that maybe the way we’ve been looking at this story in our lives could just maybe have a different meaning that we have been giving it all these years! We play around with possible “New Stories”.  That’s what happens in Step 19 of the worksheet or when we land on “New Story” in the Satori Game. We hear new ways of looking at our situation or try out a new way of seeing our lives. “I’m perfect just the way I am” or “When I show up as me everyone loves me” or “Money flows easily in my life now” or “My life is an exciting adventure”.

These stories are examples of putting a new frame around our picture! Nothing changes about the facts of the upsetting event. What changes is what we have  made that event mean in the context of our lives. Many stories can take on a new look right within our “world of humanity” view.  For example, my story of rejection by my friends when I was 13 was fairly easy to see as an opportunity for me to grow in self-respect and careful choosing of friends. Other stories, however, seem much more difficult to reframe in a way that gives us peace.

• Untimely death
• Divorce
• Violence
• Genocide
• Betrayal
• Etc.

Even these, however, when we allow an energy bigger than our world of humanity view, can be reframed as Spiritual Big Pictures. If we become open to the idea that from a Spiritual, big picture view of what has happened, then our inability to understand the purpose makes sense. Of course, we wouldn’t know what Spirit has designed for our situation! For these types of Victim Stories, if we allow ourselves to simply state a vague reframe, then step aside and let Spirit do the rest, we can experience peace.

What’s an example of this kind of reframe? Here are a few:

“Even though I don’t understand why, I am now open to the idea that so-and-so came into my life to help me learn and grow in love. I am willing to release my attachment to my old story and refuse to put any more energy in it. I surrender to my Higher Power and trust in the knowledge that this will continue to unfold for the highest good of all concerned.”

OR

“Even though I can’t see it yet, I can now see that so-and-so has been mirroring back for me something about myself that I have not been able to love or some new way of seeing myself that I have not been able to be. In that sense, he/she has been here in my human world to play a role for me to urge my soul to become more loving or more courageous or to experience the opposite of love, or something I may not even recognize. Now that I see that, I can thank him/her for playing this role and maybe I won’t even need him/her to be that for me anymore!”

OR

“I now see that this person came into my life to help me experience the pain of separation from love by showing me the opposite of love. Maybe I had an agreement with Spirit to bring a certain quality of love to the world – like _____ (e.g. forgiveness, or tolerance, or courage, or fairness, etc.). I needed somebody to help me become that and they did! Now that I see that, my soul can thank his/her soul for that lesson and I can be love! It’s my true nature! ”

Is this giving you an idea how to play around with a reframe? Remember, there’s no way we can actually KNOW what Spirit’s purpose is for our lives. Moreover, this whole way of looking at our life is a story itself! What’s different about our reframed story, is that it feels better! We have more energy and better relationships when we look at our situation that way. So, why not use it?

If you’re struggling with reframing your story, let’s have a chat! Make an appointment here and bring your story!

https://regina.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php

“How do I overcome my fear of sleeping out at night?”

Practice. Learn what the sounds are. Practice. Love yourself being afraid. Practice. Sit up all night and watch the night and learn it. Practice. Listen and learn the night’s rhythms and sounds. Practice. Love yourself just as you are.

Practice.