When I was completing my Appalachian Trail Walk in 2007, my husband and son came and walked the last mile with me. What an honor! Having them with me to round out the journey validated my accomplishment and helped magnify their contribution to the entire walk. My husband had sent maildrops all along the way. His presence at the end signified that my journey had ended and that I would be going back to my former life. My 7-month walk had been an exploration into another world where my joy as a hiker was reflected in my relationship with a new partner. I believed that my hiking world was separate from my homemaking world.
And then, I let the two worlds blend. My hiking partner came home with us. My heart was torn, and try as I might to let him go and return to my former life, I couldn’t do it. I could not abandon my love for my new self nor for my new partner. I could not revive my love for my urban, homebound life nor for my husband who cared nothing for my adventurous self.
As I tell this story, my belly tightens, and shame for the messy way I mixed up those relationships paralyzes my fingers. “I can’t share this! This is a shameful tale! I made a terrible mistake and betrayed my marriage! It’s unforgiveable what I did!”
And yet, I want to share it because there’s more than shame. Five years later, I feel nourished and alive and free and much stronger for having weathered the next journey that unfolded – divorce. I called it Journey to Wholeness, turning the word “divorce” into “discover”
Divorce……disvorce…… discvore…… discovre……. discover
I discovered my own self-hatred, my own S.T.O.R.Y. -Sustained Tale of Repressed Yearning- that had hummed in the background of my homemaking and mothering years until the yearning for walking in Nature cried out loudly as the children began leaving home and my projection of a lonely future with an indifferent husband ate away voraciously at my heart.
I wanted to walk. I needed “big” Nature. We visited the Appalachian Trail and I heard a call to walk to Maine that rang like a crystal bell. He liked the idea and eagerly partnered with me for three years’ of short hiking trips until we had accomplished a month-long journey. That was enough for him, and he resumed the pose of our first meeting thirty years ago – sitting in a chair reading a very thick book. He was fundamentally content with his small garden of native plants, his books, his job. And yet, his own life took a turn with the loss of his job, and he too heard a different call to adventure – to China! China called me not. It was the Appalachian Mountains for me.
It was easier to blame our divorce on my infidelity than on disparate vocations. Neither of us warmed to the idea of divorce. It seemed like a failure, a morally corrupt act, a sin. Yet, neither could bridge the gap between us to draw us together on either side of the chasm. Divorce settled it and set us both free.
Today, my heart sings. I have memories of thousands of miles of walking fulfilled. I am free to walk when I want and I have plans for it. I guide others to answer the call of their own hearts.
We journey together into that Heart Land where we
- · discern our S.T.O.R.Y.
- · open a gateway to our power
- · flip the energy drain switch
- · create a NEW STORY
- · walk into our dreams and answer our heart’s call
This week, our band of HeartLand Journeyers rounds the bend in our latest month-long journey. I’d love to have you join us as we choose our next steps. Do we
- · RETURN to our old world?
- · ENTER our new world?
- · BLEND the two worlds?
- · CREATE something else?
Walk with us and share the moment of choice! What’s more, you’ll get to choose for your own life!
Here’s what participants are saying so far in this series:
“I’ve had quite a week – used tons of roses.” (Week Two: Energy Rose Meditation)
“Thank You for listening to a small part of my story! I look forward to this journey.”
“Now, how do I feel about all this? Giddy. Nervous. Apprehensive. Hopeful. Foolish. Amazed.. Its almost like a dream that MIGHT come true – having a handsome, awesome man – who likes the same things I do – who wants me! I want to continue to be real and let things happen as they may.”
“This almost seems too easy to just tell my story and feel my feeling and have things change!”
I got a lot out of this call! Maybe things just happen and we make up if it’s for a good reason or a bad reason..”
“I’m excited to have this tool with the beautiful yellow and red roses I pictured. I can still smell them! It’s amazing! I’m going to try it out all day today and for sure tomorrow while I’m going through airport security.”
It’s not too late for you to experience Journey to YOUR HeartLand!!!!
This teleclass happens THIS SATURDAY!
7 A.M. EASTERN