I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet and have already taken a significant journey! It’s an inner journey from upset and quandary to peace and illumination.
It started with checking email, finding Colin Tipping’s invitation to do a Radical Forgiveness worksheet. I did.
As with all worksheets, I had a shift in perception. I forgave myself, then wrote in my notes the following:
August 12
I may be holding JR hostage to my inability to monetize my own purpose. I didn’t believe in my self expression, so I gave it up for financial security even to unconsciously promise sexual fidelity with no guarantee of companionship. Well, it’s apparent that JR is done with that. I’m holding on, still clinging to the floating chest of gold that is my life raft among the debris of my marriage with JR.
Crafting a divorce means honoring the finite reality of our journey, gratefully receiving m
y share of the spoils, and channeling anew the resources to create my next work of art, independent of JohnReiter. Cherishing our independence means honoring our divorce.
It also means taking responsibility for channel
ing resources for my vocation.
I realized that I could immediately take action on taking that responsibility by following up with a walker I met yesterday. I emailed her with my gratitude for meeting her and a link to my audio gift. Then, I checked her website. And this is where I discovered the climax to this morning’s journey! As with climbing a mountain on the Appalachian Trail, after winding my way up for a while, I reach a view point.
There, deep in the pages of her site, were the words ‘Paradigm Shift’. She had revealed that these were her guiding words this year. A light illuminated my mind and a smile lit my face.
“That’s my journey too! That’s what I’m experiencing in my life now”. A paradigm shift is a change from an old way of perceiving my world that’s so significant that it shatters that world itself.
My old paradigm was built on the beliefs that the occupation that lights me up isn’t valuable in the marketplace. I took that on and made it real. I married someone who mirrored that for me. I was shy and self invalidating and didn’t even try to learn leadership skills to share my message. But, my higher self knew better and turned up the volume on that vocation, and threw in a little dose of boldness and courage. I listened, and stepped onto the path of my dream. I was stepping into my dream, clumsily, but fervent. My clumsiness showed up as arrogance and selfishness, so I wasn’t taking care of others very well as I claimed my dream. I’ve hurt my husband in my fervor to claim my dream.
Now, in taking responsibility for my dream, it’s time for the paradigm to shift. For me, the shift is cracking at my core. I’m trying hard, unconsciously of course, to hold back the movement, to keep things safe and unchanged. My higher self knows better, and keeps nudging me with support – hints from my healing angels who come in the form of emails and new acquaintances. I fight back with stomach pain and headaches. But Higher Self knows better and reminds me that I have a friend who will use the Radical Forgiveness tools with me.
That’s what I’m seeing today from my clear vantage point on my journey of inventing the possibility of fulfilling self expression and joyous prosperity. I’m not there yet, and yet, I’m definitely making progress! Barb Rehg has it right. The journey is the destination!