December 27, 2016
Not talking doesn’t work for me. Relating with him now is like relating to my own 40-year old self. Keeping my opinions and preferences bottled up til they explode out, silent response and revealing body language, poverty consciousness and feigned then regretted generosity.
I want to relate and create from where I am NOW! Relate with conscious purpose, striving for conscious, vibration-raising conversation.
The situation: john is driving along the carlsbad coast witbout speaking. I don’t know his plan or his desire. He spoke earlier of gping on the walk he told me about which I didn’t hear (“you weren’t listening”). I had envisioned doing our REI errand then returning to take johanna back. Well, we just got on I-5 going north. No walk? Dont know. No speaking.
Rant about not talking.
Silently go along angry and stressed.
Silently go along observing the scenery, breathing, energizing my nonsenses, writing this post, accepting him as is.