Words

May 23, 2017

A stab at speaking about filfillment.

​”What is it that you want, in your heart, to be doing?  My guess, and my experience, is that when I wrote out every day what I imagined I’d be doing and feeling that made my heart sing and then started doing that, telling others about it, and looking for it, many things around me shifted. Mostly, though, I realized that it was mostly the inner journey, cultivating authentic gratitude and service, that made me available for a job to appear. I believe that it is I who brings fulfillment to whatever I’m doing rather than an occupation being the source of fulfillment. For me, doing what I want for a living, did require letting go of a lot! I don’t pretend to know about your inner journey, just sharing about my own. I see you as someone who could light the world with doing what you truly want to do, and I don’t even know what that is!” read more

Gratitude in Advance

May 17, 2017

Huzzah for speaking up for basic services! My “basic economy” ticket on delta left me with a seat “assigned at the gate”. What an uneasy feeling! At 3:30 am local time I called delta saying, “I really want to know that delta cares about me by assuring me that I have a seat before I get to the gate. What would it take to get that?” “Buy a different ticket next time,” Debbie said. “How about for this flight? Can you tell me if the flight’s overbooked? ” She replied, “No, but I’ll check the seating chart. “Wow!”, I said, “Having a seat would really make a big difference for me! I’m feeling like you really care about me!” Well, she found seats for both flights, and changed my status! I now have seats and a boarding pass! Rachel Rossiter Trabelsi, I was thinking of you as I practiced what you helped me learn during my Introduction Leader Program – affirming my value and being grateful in advance. And, Debbie Unterman Deanna Hohnhorst Colin Tipping for creating the Satori board game that helps me practice the words and feelings of New Stories like “I’m worthy to receive what I need”.  I thanked Debbie, then asked if there was someone I could tell about her service. I assured her supervisor that it really helped me to get that service and will now board the flight believing that delta cares about me. That’s my contribution today toward creating a world of generosity and service. Basic Service. Gratitude in advance. read more

It’s Not Him

May 11, 2017

Feeling unfulfilled has nothing to do with him. Being solo has shown me that. It’s clear that my disappointments, low energy, scattered focus and distraction are not caused by him. I’ve done it to myself!

In my solo month, I’ve hardly accomplished any of the things I thought were so important – doing touch for health, painting, journaling. Tiredness has pervaded me. Attraction to the political drama playing out in the country saps my time and dominates my attention. read more

Beliefs

May 4, 2017

I know I must have limiting beliefs about relating because I feel entangled, stuck, resistant. He even says, emphatically, “No, we have not achieved all we can in our relationship!” However, when I contribute that what I want in a relationship is transformation of Old Stories, he says, “I want to support you getting that.” (Not, “yes, I want that too!”)

It occurs to me that individual fulfillment could be achieved solo! My biggest resistance to committing to partnership with him is forfeiting my preferences. I’m enjoying a lot about being solo. read more

My Message

Here’s what I said to a woman struggling to lighten her pack. 

“And now, if you’re game for an even deeper exploration, it has helped me immensely to delve into clarifying my purpose for walking. I realized that the trail is a blank canvas on which I paint my own journey, design my own fulfillment. Sure, a popular way to engage with the AT is to backpack long distances. That’s not the only way it can be visited, and, conversely, hiking might not necessarily be the best way to fulfill your dream. It might open up a whole new journey to explore what you’re thinking that hiking the Shenandoah section will provide… ultimately, in my own hiking, I want to create something that makes my heart sing!” read more

Ants 

April 22, 2017

39 days solo remain. I got up at the usual alarm time and took a walk! I headed east on the dirt road. Coolness and sunlight bathed me. Stiffness relaxed somewhat. Quiet and ease, contentment at designing my morning, lightened my step. “I can wander as I want!”

Projects to accomplish flooded my mind, begging a list. “Not today. Just walk.” I watched ants forging a broad path in a short time. Resolute.

Solo, but definitely not lonely!

Story Dissection

January 3, 2017

I’m perusing an award winning business mentor’s site. She lists products and services from  $19.95 for the book to $50,000 for personal coaching.

I’m saying no, no, no.

What’s behind my no?

I can’t/won’t put my success first, above my job, above my relationship. I assume that transforming myself and my business, my lifestyle, my image, my offerings, would be a full-time, total life makeover endeavor, and that’s too much change!

Not even this success by design master can make MY idea successful! Why? Because my idea is too different. And, again, because I am not 100% committed to fulfilling my dream, telling others that I’m doing it, then dedicating my whole self to it!!  read more

Because of How He Is

January 3, 2017

Here’s my story:

Because he is uncomfortable talking about “sensitive” topics like finances, life dreams, what we’re creating together, politics, I can’t talk about them. I can’t have an intimate relationship, just a sexual one, a caretaking one, a partnered one.

Because he doesn’t want to do Touch for Health with me, or play Satori, paint, journal, or sing that means that I don’t do those things unless I find others outside our relationship to do them with. read more

Stifled Conversation

December 27, 2016

Not talking doesn’t work for me. Relating with him now is like relating to my own 40-year old self. Keeping my opinions and preferences bottled up til they explode out, silent response and revealing body language, poverty consciousness and feigned then regretted generosity. 

I want to relate and create from where I am NOW! Relate with conscious purpose, striving for conscious, vibration-raising conversation.

The situation: john is driving along the carlsbad coast witbout speaking. I don’t know his plan or his desire. He spoke earlier of gping on the walk he told me about which I didn’t hear (“you weren’t listening”). I had envisioned doing our REI errand then returning to take johanna back. Well, we just got on I-5 going north. No walk? Dont know. No speaking.  read more

Self Righteous

November 9, 2016

I truly want to grasp what Marnie means here! I would love to sit together with friends Vera, Roger, Kym, and others who envision unity with all, to listen and understand!
She says:

​”Yesterday morning I predicted Trump would win. Want to know the main reason why? Over the last 7 years I have watched the preparation of Light Bearers with messages of freedom to share (spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional restoration). But these people have gone through a lot of hard things in the last few years. We’ve just been trying to survive. 
Maslow knew that people can’t self actualize when the basics are threatened. Lighting the way for others is the last thing on your mind when you’re in survival mode. 
I knew that if we continued along socialist paths, our society’s days were numbered.   Light Bearers would not have the opportunity or time to deliver their foreordained messages. Millions would not be set free and healed. Surely God would not place a good desire in your heart and then not create a way for you to achieve it. 
As we united in prayer to save America, God created a window of time for us to step forward and deliver our messages. And Trump’s boldness paved a way for our voices to be expressed and heard as well. 
We are bolder now, and we have a work to do and a window of time in which to do it. The light bearer chandelier, which had been taken down for cleaning, will now be hoisted back to the ceiling to illuminate the world with Christ’s light. 
Do your work now, my friends. Shine, teach, liberate the captives and bind up the broken hearted. You are Christ’s healing hands! Step forward and rescue and triage the wounded while this season of liberty lasts. #LightTheWorld” read more