Story Dissection

January 3, 2017

I’m perusing an award winning business mentor’s site. She lists products and services from  $19.95 for the book to $50,000 for personal coaching.

I’m saying no, no, no.

What’s behind my no?

I can’t/won’t put my success first, above my job, above my relationship. I assume that transforming myself and my business, my lifestyle, my image, my offerings, would be a full-time, total life makeover endeavor, and that’s too much change!

Not even this success by design master can make MY idea successful! Why? Because my idea is too different. And, again, because I am not 100% committed to fulfilling my dream, telling others that I’m doing it, then dedicating my whole self to it!!  read more

Because of How He Is

January 3, 2017

Here’s my story:

Because he is uncomfortable talking about “sensitive” topics like finances, life dreams, what we’re creating together, politics, I can’t talk about them. I can’t have an intimate relationship, just a sexual one, a caretaking one, a partnered one.

Because he doesn’t want to do Touch for Health with me, or play Satori, paint, journal, or sing that means that I don’t do those things unless I find others outside our relationship to do them with. read more

Stifled Conversation

December 27, 2016

Not talking doesn’t work for me. Relating with him now is like relating to my own 40-year old self. Keeping my opinions and preferences bottled up til they explode out, silent response and revealing body language, poverty consciousness and feigned then regretted generosity. 

I want to relate and create from where I am NOW! Relate with conscious purpose, striving for conscious, vibration-raising conversation.

The situation: john is driving along the carlsbad coast witbout speaking. I don’t know his plan or his desire. He spoke earlier of gping on the walk he told me about which I didn’t hear (“you weren’t listening”). I had envisioned doing our REI errand then returning to take johanna back. Well, we just got on I-5 going north. No walk? Dont know. No speaking.  read more

Self Righteous

November 9, 2016

I truly want to grasp what Marnie means here! I would love to sit together with friends Vera, Roger, Kym, and others who envision unity with all, to listen and understand!
She says:

​”Yesterday morning I predicted Trump would win. Want to know the main reason why? Over the last 7 years I have watched the preparation of Light Bearers with messages of freedom to share (spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional restoration). But these people have gone through a lot of hard things in the last few years. We’ve just been trying to survive. 
Maslow knew that people can’t self actualize when the basics are threatened. Lighting the way for others is the last thing on your mind when you’re in survival mode. 
I knew that if we continued along socialist paths, our society’s days were numbered.   Light Bearers would not have the opportunity or time to deliver their foreordained messages. Millions would not be set free and healed. Surely God would not place a good desire in your heart and then not create a way for you to achieve it. 
As we united in prayer to save America, God created a window of time for us to step forward and deliver our messages. And Trump’s boldness paved a way for our voices to be expressed and heard as well. 
We are bolder now, and we have a work to do and a window of time in which to do it. The light bearer chandelier, which had been taken down for cleaning, will now be hoisted back to the ceiling to illuminate the world with Christ’s light. 
Do your work now, my friends. Shine, teach, liberate the captives and bind up the broken hearted. You are Christ’s healing hands! Step forward and rescue and triage the wounded while this season of liberty lasts. #LightTheWorld” read more

Beliefs Explored

November 8, 2016

Election Day, and I believe that the Radical Forgiveness tools could make a difference for people in the aftermath! Colin shared a  blogpost about that very topic. My mind spins with the idea of having a FB group to field stories and share the tools. 

The idea is followed immediately with doubts and beliefs! “I don’t have time! I don’t have internet! I shouldn’t charge for membership!”

What can I do? What could go wrong? Why not do this?  read more

Projection

Fulfillment Partnership Journey

November 1, 2016

I noticed this morning that John asked, “How can I make your morning special?” My response was, “talk with me.”

I ventured into expressing my ever-present imagination of having a life partner who shares my fulfillment. I spoke about that and John listened without balking.

What I noticed is that as soon as I had shared a bit, I balked! I thought, “whoops! There I go again, talking too much, laying out my impossibly demanding, far reaching, complicated, outlandish life-purpose thing that no one else could ever live into! Why can’t I just settle for being loved and cared for?” And then I apologized. read more

Exploring Unfulfillment

October 6, 2016

There are things I want to do and ways to be that I have been putting off. Although it’s easiest to say that it’s because I “can’t do those things from within my current partnership.” I put that in quotes because I know that those words are spoken by my victimself settling for her unfulfilling Old Story!

Here are some of what’s missing:

Singing/Playing Satori/Regular Touch-for-health/Using Radical Forgiveness tools every day to expand into love/Visiting friends and family/Fulfilling Forgivenesswalks/Walking slowly and observing Nature/Painting….. read more

Maybe it’s MY Question

October 5, 2016

It seems urgent to me that my mother has an explicit plan for her life’s concluding chapter. She’s 89 and says, “this body just needs to die. I miss Jim, and just feel ready to be finished.”

She doesn’t want to talk about how to do that, or what quality of life she wants, or the many variations of those conversations that seem important to ME.

So, it occurs to me that maybe these are questions for ME to explore for myself!

What’s important to me about rounding out my life- physically, emotionally, spiritually. What is this even called? Who is discussing what it looks like to live fully, in good health and spirit and then leave one’s body in completion? I don’t mean suicide, I mean at one’s time of completion!  read more

Fast Lane

September 20, 2016

“Where am I? How do these covers work?” I wondered as I tugged at the thick comforter on the hotel bed. “Maybe this is another world from the trail, after all!”

Yesterday morning, light rain pattered on the tarp a couple of feet above my head. I pulled the down bag around me and snuggled back to sleep. “The rain was predicted to start around 3 a.m. so I have time to sleep some more before our final dawn walk to the border.”

A few minutes later John stirred, wondering what time it was. “6:05! The sky is getting light. Time to get up!” We would have slept in, delaying our arrival at the B&B at trail’s end where a shower and laundry beckoned. read more

Verrry Close

September 18, 2016

We stopped at 6:35 p.m. when we reached the Shooting Star Camp, the northernmost shelter on the Long Trail, just 4.4 miles from the northern terminus. We had talked about pushing on in the dark to the end, but agreed that the risk and slowness of night walking in this rocky terrain outweighed the appeal of getting to the finish line tonight.

This was a fun day! At last I have become neutral about whether the path goes up or down, whether there are rocks, boulders, roots, water, or mud, whether I’m maneuvering down ribbed ledges of mossy rock or gingerly stepping on slippery ladders of roots. read more