May 20, 2016
We have one day in Big Bend National Park. Color adorns the mountains and the badlands. What if I paint the Nonsenses colors suggested by the landscape?
The emotional landscape also provides space for dancing as well. I’m uneasy with John’s style of exploring in constant motion. I prefer making fewer stops for a longer, reflective experience. I realize that I’m playing out an old story of being alone, being separate, needing to ignore my own needs to accommodate his.
This time, I’m aware of the dance, yet still attached to that old story. Although I’m able to calmly maintain my request to stay in one place for a 20-minute Nonsenses Immersion, a silent voice is saying, “Your needs don’t matter, just do what he wants.”
He stops. “You can do your paintng here.”
My Old Story ego is satisfied with his dispassionate accommodation. Whew! I can get what I want, but with resistance.
I get out my supplies, choose a spot. Colors! In the landscape before me, they are all there. True, the shades are dark or muted, but all seven colors of my Nonsenses spectrum are there.
I turn on the tones app and dip into my tiny pot of red. “Lammm,” the monks sing. Ahh. I am immersed, relaxed, balanced, exhilarated. As you can see, the painting is a rather bold depiction of a natural desert scene, but that connection with my environment imbues my body with ease.
I feel open, accepted, accepting. We drive on. John says, “I’m glad you did your painting.”
I have stepped into a New Story that my needs matter in a fulfilling relationship.