Wow! Until I actually experience something, it’s just a theory! Even though I’ve been a student of Radical Forgiveness for 7 years, I have only had this direct physical feeling of letting go of an old emotional pain that has taken up residence in my body a few times. Can you relate?
Here’s how it happened for me early this morning. I woke up abruptly. “Oh no, my sore throat is back!” I felt restless and had to get up and sneeze and pee and blow my nose. I couldn’t get back to sleep because “something” wanted to move inside me. In that sore spot in my liver area.
I’m feeling a little more energetic today. I may even be ready to begin what appears as my next task toward beginning my Nomadic Lifestyle. So far, I’ve made a couple of big steps – at least in MY mind:
- Got divorced! I was married 33 years
- Said, “Yes, I want to sell my house.”
Now, comes the emotional letting go of my marriage. There’s not much physical stuff remaining of that, we have been physically separate for almost a year now.
The house, however, is right here with me. And, even though I’ve already given away about 70% of the belongings, what’s left seems like the really difficult things to give away. Hmmm Maybe that will change too as I honor my feelings and become WILLING to have them.
Today, I rested, I mean really rested!
I allowed myself to succumb to the sore throat and fatigue I’ve been feeling the past few days. I’m noticing that deep feelings of sadness and resistance are coming up. Even though this move makes sense, there’s a fear about it. There’s the fear of this new way of life, with so many details unformed. There are doubts. And there is sadness about leaving this place that has supported so many years of creativity in my life.
I’m stepping into a new life. Sure, it’s been coming for about five years now, but what’s happened this week is work on the OUTSIDE! Things need to be done in the physical world, not just in my mind! Here’s the short list of upcoming tasks:
Now that I’ve “awakened” to the possibility that my experience of separation from ease and joy and physical hardship is only PART of the reality of Heaven and Earth, it’s impossible to convince myself that I’m REALLY alone, even though it feels like that at the moment.
And I’m really working on it too! Even as I’m sharing thoughts and questions and inspiring videos with my Facebook Friends, I’m trying to convince myself that no one really cares about me or my work. Isn’t that interesting?!!
What would I share more of if I’m “COMING FROM THE HEART” without worrying if I’m being judged or if I’ll make money at it? Here are some activities I’ll CHOOSE to share more starting today:
- Stories about walking the Benton MacKaye Trail
- Satori Games. Playing has been on sabbatical
- Walks open to others
- Thirteen Steps to Radical Forgiveness calls
What’s in my way is worrying that I can’t schedule them while I’m out on the trail because I can’t guarantee connectivity. Well, here’s a possibility: What if the calls happened anyway even if I weren’t there?!!!!!
Here’s to sharing “carelessly”!
“You’ve gotta sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
Dance like there’s nobody watching
You gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.” Kathy Mattea
This is my theme song from the Radical Forgiveness Miracles Weekend!
Look for more sharing soon!
Deep Creek Crossing
It’s October, 2009. I’m standing on the north side of Deep Creek in the Smokies. “It’s not good to be here alone”, I thought. “It’s not safe here. I shouldn’t be doing this by myself. I should turn back. Is there another way?”
I’m at mile 44, three miles shy of the half way point in the Smokies section of the Benton MacKaye Trail I’m looking at my map, tracing a possible alternate route around the swollen torrent that is Deep Creek. I’m considering scooting across the tipped log that’s interrupted by perpendicular poles. That’s what the bridge had become.
Four Seasons on the Benton MacKaye Trail
Reflections on Mileposts on the Trail
BMTSouthbound – June, 2009; October, 2009; January, 2013
BMTNorthbound- April, 2010
BMT Davenport Gap to Beech Gap, January, 2010
Links: Photos, Journals, Reflections, Slide shows
https://forgivenesswalks.com/benton-mackaye-trail/ First Winter Walk and Spring Walk slide shows
Sunrise on Noland Divide
From Regina’s 2013 Journal –
Winter Walk on the Benton MacKaye Trail
It’s our fourth morning on the trail. It’s still dark, but the short day length nudges me to wake up and get started before daylight. I listen. “It’s not raining! Hurray! “ The lack of falling rain, however, does not mean that it’s dry! Here at 4,000 feet elevation in the Great Smoky Mountains, it’s not raining because we are in the clouds.
Warm and snug in our double layer down sleeping bags, I can imagine pacing down the trail feeling warmed by brisk walking in the cold, foggy air. That will feel great! What deters me, however, is resisting the transition from being warm inside to being warm outside! In between, there’s a careful, methodical procedure of striking camp that promises a comical dance with cold and wet that unfolds in quickly executed steps. You see, we don’t carry extra clothes, just one set of inside clothes to wear in the tent, and one set of outside clothes to wear on the trail. Since it rained yesterday, our outermost layers are wet. Our dance goes something like this: