How to Forgive
Even if we know that forgiveness is a good thing to do and has many benefits, how to do it isn’t so straightforward. I’ve searched for answers about this and found the following articles. The authors have lots of tips on how to forgive.
Look For the Positive
Protect Yourself and Move On
Get Help If You Need It
Realize that the hate you feel toward your adversary does not harm him or her in the slightest.
Understand that the best revenge against your enemies is to live a successful and happy life
Realize that the second best revenge is to turn the evil into something good, to find the proverbial silver lining in the dark cloud.
Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this awful experience.
Look for the helpers.
Look at the bigger picture.
Be compassionate with yourself.
Learn that the Aramaic word for “forgive” means literally to “untie.”
Learn how to balance trust with wisdom.
Stop telling “the story.”
Tell “the story” from the other person’s perspective.
Retrain your thinking. Wish your enemy well
Here are two other blogs with long lists of forgiveness actions.
What’s your experience with forgiving someone? How did you do it?
Write your comments below.
Still to Come:
But Forgiveness is HARD to Do!!
Benefits of Forgiveness
You would probably not argue that forgiving someone has benefits. What I’ve experienced has been more energy, better relationships, and freedom from my past. Here are some great articles on what other forgiveness experts say about the benefits of forgiveness.
And please add your list of benefits to the comments section!
To sum it up, forgiveness is good for your body, your relationships, and your place in the world. That’s reason enough to convince virtually anyone to do the work of letting go of anger and working on forgiveness.
- reduced emotional stress,
- reduced physical stress,
- increased peace,
- increased compassion,
- deep healing and
- a greater sense of well-being.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Here are some of the benefits that we can experience thru giving forgiveness either to ourselves or to others.
It would be impossible to list all of the benefits here but here are some of them:
• Stronger intuitive insight and a deepened experience of spiritual connection
• Experience thoughts and emotions that feel good, more often
• Higher level of energy and a better quality of sleep
• Increased happiness and peacefulness
• Happier, healthier relationships
• Greater health and less stress
• Clearer Thinking
These writers and researchers all agree. The benefits of forgiveness impact all areas of our lives.
What benefits have you experienced by forgiving someone?
Write your comments below.
But how do I forgive?
False.Evidence.Appearing.Real dances onto my stage
I’m waking up for the second day in a row with a headache and stomach ache and “work on audio product” on my calendar. My first inclination is to stay in bed. I can do that because I’m the boss, right?
Wrong. I AM the boss, and the crew too, so there’s no one else to get the work done. And then the arguments start. “No one wants your stuff anyway. It’s not good enough. Just stay in bed and take care of yourself. It’s probably really a physical problem and you’re ignoring that.”
Fast forward 10 minutes and I’m writing this blog post, staying in the game, contributing and sharing. What happened? The 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness. Fortunately, there’s another voice that usually speaks louder than the saboteur of sharing. That’s the one that knows that using the tools gets results. If I take action to use the tools instead of staying in bed, I feel better about myself, my mission, my contribution. I laugh at myself because the amount of energy it takes to listen to a 10-minute recording is pretty small compared to the results that I get. I’m encouraged to use the tools more often.
What popped into my head after the 13 Steps today was the acronym, F.E.A.R. that’s False Evidence Appearing Real. I had first heard that useful acronym from Jane Holmes, my bold and compassionate teacher at the Living Foods Institute in Atlanta, GA. Jane is a model for me of someone who steps out with what she has and grows into what she envisions. She shares boldly without waiting around for her gifts to be flawless and perfect. And because of that, her gifts ARE flawless and perfect because they are genuine.
So, what’s my False Evidence Appearing Real today? That my experience is trite and not worth writing about. That I’m not a good writer so I should stop it. That what I have to say has already been said and shouldn’t be repeated. That my work is not original and therefore not worthy. And what’s false about that? I need only look at Jane’s sharing of this acronym for counter evidence.
I learned later that Neale Donald Walsch had coined the phrase, False Evidence Appearing Real. But, for me, it had come from Jane who was bold enough, generous enough, and compassionate enough to share that little phrase even though it may be trite, she didn’t make it up, and it had already been said. For me, the reality was that none of that mattered. I heard it from Jane for the first time and it’s made a difference in my life!
There’s always the chance that YOU’RE hearing that one way to look at FEAR is False. Evidence. Appearing. Real. for the first time. And you got it from ME!
Want to meet Jane Homes yourself?
And for the 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping
There sure is a lot going on in my life now! That seems true for several of my loved ones as well. How about for you? Is the summer winding down with paradigm shifting? It occurs to me to pay attention to my friends who look to the heavens for signs of cosmic patterns and shifts that weave the fabric upon which we’re painting our lives.
Deb Unterman brought one such insight in her invitation to play Clarity, her board game that playfully nudges inquisitive adventurers to consider the subtle influences of the invisible energies in our lives.
The New Moon in Leo will also be on August 17, so I expect a high energy Clarity Game. Astrologer Stephanie Austin has this to say about this one:
The next New Moon forms on Friday,August 17 at 8:54 AM PDT at 25º Leo. New Moons are normally quiet,reflective times,but these are not normal times. With the increasing pace of life,it becomes ever more imperative to take time out,or rather,time in;time to check our spiritual compass and make sure we are heading in the right direction…
Leo is associated with the Sun,the star at the center of our solar system,and with the center of our body,the solar plexus. Leo is also linked with the heart,the central pump of our life force,and the heart chakra,which is the center of the seven-chakra system…
Deb plays Clarity tomorrow if you’re interested:
Contact her at
Today, I’m walking with my client, Mary, who has completed her training for her dream walk – 57 miles in Scotland! She has taken this journey one step at a time. Today, she’s walking 11 miles. Tomorrow, 16.
What does it take to walk into a dream? Small steps. Consistent steps. That’s the walk of creation.
It starts with a fantasy. That’s what a dream is. There’s nothing real about it! Absolutely nothing! It’s pure fantasy. Do you have fun fantasizing, or do you resist it because there’s nothing real about it? I invite you to take a different look at fantasizing and consider that all the great inventions started out that way. Dreams became plans. Plans become actions. Actions become reality.
Play with your dream. Write it out long-hand with details and feelings of having it. What does that look like? Here’s an example. Here’s my fantasy for a grand adventure of five women doing a Forgiveness Walk of the Appalachian Trail. Enjoy!
And, if you resonate with any of these “imaginary” women, check out The Amazing Appalachian Trail Walk at the bottom of this link:
Five Women on a Journey
A niche-finding imagination story
August 18, 2010
It’s June 25, 2014 and I’m standing on the summit of Mt. Katahdin with five other women. What it took for us to get here is nine months of reframing stories and miracles. Each woman is unique, yet all have a bond in desiring more than any other adventure, to walk the Appalachian Trail from Maine to Georgia. Now they were at the northern terminus of the AT that pathway in nature, the walking of which is a quest, an ordeal, a blessing, a pilgrimage. It’s been done by many, and yet only a small percentage of the world’s population. For those who get bit by the AT bug, it’s a dream that won’t lie quiet until the deed has been accomplished, until one stands, arms raised in a victory stance, on the opposite pole of the chosen starting point, north or south.
These five women are here today because they transformed their old stories of NOT walking the AT because of this or that obstacle. Not enough time. Not enough money. Too much responsibility to others – jobs, children, husbands. Too weak. Too sick. Too scared. Too alone. Just getting here today has been a journey in itself. Empowering themselves through each challenge, each obstacle, each excuse, in the strong company of Regina and the other Hiking goddesses in this company. They started with doubts about even taking on this journey and now here they are having climbed the highest mountain on the the trail in Maine. That in itself IS a landmark accomplishment, an achievement worthy of accolades and awards.
Allow me to introduce you to these five.
I’m standing atop Springer Mountain, GA on a Sunday afternoon. It’s cloudy but not raining. I’m alone but for one other hiker, Mary. She is perched on the rock that marks the southern terminus of the iconic Appalachian Trail. What a perfect spot to celebrate a completion. Mary is rounding out her year-long training for a walk of 57miles in 5 days that begins in two weeks in Scotland. It’s the walk of her dream. Her adult son invited her two years ago to walk in Scotland, in the ancestral land of both his mother and his father. Today, Mary is walking 16 miles over rough terrain, including hundreds of feet of elevation gain and loss that mimics a similar day on the walk in Scotland. It’s a big day, even for seasoned hikers, including myself!
As Mary beams with pride on this momentous day, I reflect with joy myself on how Mary has fulfilled on all five of the Five Surprising Essentials that I encourage my clients to consider when walking into their dream, the mission of Forgiveness Walks.
She knew her trail. Mary studied the guidebook for her trail, The Cowal Way, and trained for the terrain, distance, and elevation change of that trail.
She considered her timing. She let the idea stew for a while, then started training in earnest over a year ago. That gave her time to gradually develop the strength and stamina she needs.
She had support. She invested in her dream by designing a custom package with her coach. Even more important than retaining her coach, Mary heeded her coach’s suggestions, realizing that there are fine points to hiking that make it a joy, not an ordeal.
She considered her gear and her food. During her months of preparation, Mary tried various items of gear, keeping what worked and rejecting what didn’t. Even on the last training hike, she was still scrutinizing each item, ready to switch rain jackets because the one she had been using had lost its waterproofing. She also had an open mind about food, learning about dehydrating her own whole foods in preference to more convenient but less nutritious bars and snacks.
She used her energy-shifting tools. Perhaps Mary’s most essential preparation was her mental, emotional, and spiritual training. During training, Mary had ample opportunity to transform her doubts, fears, and considerations with the tools of ForgivenessWalks and Landmark Education. Perhaps her biggest shift in perspective came one day in January when a big climb stared her down. “This is too hard!” she declared. “Maybe I can’t do this!” “Tell me more,” I said, coaxing her into the first of the 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness. 10 minutes later, she’s standing at the top of the hill, teary eyed and peaceful. “I wasn’t really doubting my hiking ability, I was afraid that my son wouldn’t love me if I couldn’t do it! Now, I am free of that block and have energy to WALK! Yippee!”
Throughout her training, limiting beliefs, considerations, and impossibilities fell to consistent use of her transformative tools and she stood, accomplished and confident on the threshold of her dream.
What’s YOUR dream? Whatever it is, support its realization with these five surprising essentials. Let ForgivenessWalks help you walk into YOUR dream.
Are you ready to clear your path to walk into that dream. It could start with a FREE conversation with Regina Reiter, master dream weaver!
Using the ForgivenessWalks Tools is like Unclogging the Toilet
When the toilet is stopped up I don’t walk around wondering why, or blaming the toilet for getting clogged. I don’t say, “This shouldn’t be happening! Why did I ever think I wanted a toilet? Maybe since it’s not working, I should abandon toilets altogether. Maybe I’m just not cut out to have a toilet because mine is giving me trouble.” I don’t stop in my tracks and say, “If I were a better person, or a better homeowner, my toilet would not get clogged. Successful homeowners don’t get clogged toilets. Never have, never will.”
No! I grab a plunger and get to work! Simple. I use the tools.
Turning troubles into blessings is like that. It’s simple really. Use the tools. I use the tools of ForgivenessWalks every day! That’s because, unlike my toilet, which rarely gets clogged, my life is a constant stream of troubles. Sometimes big ones, mostly little ones. Now, you might be thinking that I’m a pessimist, seeing my life as a constant stream of troubles. Actually, I’m quite positive, creative, and optimistic. And that’s because I’m constantly using the tools to turn those troubles into blessings! So, the blessings dominate!
What troubles am I talking about? Getting out of bed with a list of tasks too long to achieve in a day. Wondering if my husband loves me. Judging my worthiness as an entrepreneur. Not loving my body. Feeling alone and judging myself about that. Believing I don’t have enough money. Feeling unenergetic. Those troubles. Those little messages of separation from bliss and joy and flow.
That’s like the toilet being plugged up!
That’s when I reach for the tools!
1. I walk! Get my blood flowing. Awaken my Senses.
2. I activate my Nonsenses. I bring energetic color to my seven rainbow energy centers.
3. I do the 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness.
And voila! My energy flows. I realize answers to my questions. My body feels good. And, the big blessing is that I love myself just as I am! Works every time.
And it’s just as quick and easy as plunging the toilet!
Simple, practical, effective.
Whoosh! There goes the clog! I have more energy, better relationships, and freedom from the past.
I love to walk! Those of you who know me would not be surprised to hear me confirm this. My day just hasn’t begun until I’ve walked. That’s why I am passionate about walking long distances in Nature, as on the Appalachian Trail. But why? Why walk? Why might I be so attracted to walking? For a while, I didn’t even try to answer this question. I just knew I had to walk!
Walking into my dream of “walking in service to others”, however, nudged me to research the questions, “what are the scientific benefits of walking?”
Well, thanks to the scientists who are willing to stand still long enough to do studies with test subjects and data collecting and analysis, the conclusion that walking is beneficial has been officially drawn!
Walking boosts brainpower!
Read all about it here in this article posted in my friend, Dr. Stephanie O’Brien’s, newsletter:
While you read this, I’m going for a walk!
Come join me when you’re finished reading, knowing without a doubt that walking is good for you!
I want MY outcome to be like Jill’s in Jill’s Story! It’s the story of Jill, Colin Tipping’s sister, whose marriage is saved when she does Radical Forgiveness. I first read it seven years ago when my unhappy marriage was trapping me so much that I was willing to do something about it. Passionless and unexpressive and lacking the companionship I craved, I embarked on my journey with Radical Forgiveness. I did forgive myself and start living and expressing what makes my heart sing. But, for me, instead of getting closer, we drifted apart. Even though we both did worksheets and played Satori, we didn’t grow in love. Today, I’m sitting in a divorce attorney’s office, believing that our path to joy is through this process.
And here lies the gift in the situation. I’m realizing that when I stood on the marriage altar, I wasn’t loving myself. I was in love with the myth that saying “I do” would guarantee everything that I was pouring into it. My beliefs at the time were that I’d always have a companion. I’d be financially secure. My husband would love me just the way I am.
Well, those didn’t come true. And what Radical Forgiveness taught me is that no matter what happens on the outside, it’s mirroring something inside perfectly. And that perfection is a spiritual one, not a human one. Or, it’s giving me an opportunity to learn and grow. Or, suggesting my mission in life.
What I’m opening to now, using the tools of Radical Forgiveness, is that we don’t always get what we want from a human perspective, but what we get is surely what we need from a spiritual perspective.