“I need a handyperson to come get this box of useful gadgets,” I said. I was stuck sorting a box of tape, a pair if shut-off valves, fence hinges, a wisk broom, string, dryer vent, window squeegee, and other sundry items.
“This is all useful to SOMEONE!”
I pecked out a quick Facebook message to one handyman I know.
Just as I finished, a green Ford Expedition stops at the driveway.
“Are you throwing away this workbench?” a woman calls out.
“Giving it away!” I called back. “Do you want it?”
She and her husband hopped out and happily loaded up the one-of-a-kind table my son and I had built for his sleeping jewelry making hobby. “This is high, just how I want, ” he remarked.
“Say, would you like some other items, good for a handyperson?”
20 minutes later, Patrick and Violet are driving off, the happy owners of two boxes of miscellaneous useful things PLUS the vision of owning their “dream” house – this one!
They were drawn in by the spaciousness, the two levels, the private and natural backyard and the clothesline! “This is like being home in the Carribean.”
I smiled. My handyman had appeared! The garage is getting emptied and my heart is getting filled.
Things really got done in a big way yesterday! I splurged and hired Scott Barnaby to clear my backyard labyrinth. That made it easy to spread mulch on the beds! Wow! Now, it looks more inviting for a walk!
The other major accomplishment of the day was that my oldest son moved to his new apartment. It’s so great to watch our children doing adult things! He took charge of the whole project, and did it HIS way. He rented a U-Haul, loaded it up, with some help, drove off and got ‘er done! In the end, I was most touched by his offer to store some of my boxes of journals and photos – things I will want later but don’t necessarily want to haul with me now. “You’ve stored plenty of my things over the years. Now, I can do that for YOU”, he said. That lights me up!
There’s still a list of projects to do, and the birds are singing and loving the fresh soil on the labyrinth. There’s a perfect branch suspended over the beds for keen-eyed birds to shop for their meal in the soil.
On to painting, sorting and resorting, getting just the right things to pack. And a surprise is on its way too! My friend, John, is off shopping for a camper shell for the truck! I’ll have room for more stuff now!
I love the family pictures! Those kids were soooo cute! Still, all the photo albums are big and bulky. Do I have time to scan them all? Probably not, but I’m getting started anyway! To my good fortune, my friend, Vanessa, wants to help because she likes being in my little garden apartment space. So, that may be a great trade – ambiance for scanning!
OK! Let’s go this! She’s already gotten started with several dozen scanned photos on the hard drive.
Yes, those kids were sooo cute!
Even a pickup truck is a “small” container for the things I want to keep. Maybe I’m not 100% committed to this Hiking Lifestyle!
That’s true, I admit. And to clarify, I’m calling what I’m creating “nomadic” which means that I can easily move. At this moment, there are still things I want to keep that won’t fit in my backpack!
But I want them “later”. That’s when I’m finished hiking, when I have a small domicile again.
Or, maybe I just like my stuff!
Still, this morning, I hopped up early and picked through my box of Really Precious Memory Items. I fingered them each one more time, feeling the happy energy arising. I took pictures, scanned, chose a few things to use, then let them go!
If I can let go of the cute t-shirt my son painted when he was three, and the cotton eyelet skirt I made for my wedding, I can let go of ANYTHING!
Handmade items are the hardest to give away! Here’s an experiment. I’ll take a picture and see if that evokes those joyful feelings.
It’s the feelings I want. The skirt with the embroidery doesn’t fit anymore!
What are the things that challenge your ability to let go?
Fifteen days sounds infinitely longer than fourteen! There’s something about saying “just two weeks more” that makes the unfinished list look endless and the unsorted stuff look mountainous!
It’s time to step into “through-hiker” mode! On the trail, that means get up early and walk past dark, stopping for only short breaks.
I’m thinking that for moving, it might mean “get more help”! I think the main help I could use is this
1. Feed me!
2. Help me sell things
3. Help me schedule the tasks
There’s something about having a lot to do that actually slows me down!
Right now, I’ll observe this and know that I WILL get it all done!
The mountain will be climbed one step at a time.
Whoosh! The days are flying by. Now that Spring has sprung, I’ll bet the momentum will pick up even more. Transformation of The House from my family’s humble, unadorned lifestyle to styled and high-end chic, is underway in earnest.
- Painters have arrived, eager to ply their trade at dawn.
- A designer, enthused about the “challenge” of staging this house, has piled boxes of fans, lights, fixtures and paint in my front hall.
- Realtor and General Contractor talk on the phone, conferring about the cost effectiveness of refurbishing the back deck.
How am I feeling about all of this? Complacent and surrendering. This is not my home any more! This is a showpiece to attract someone else! The friendly blue of the exterior that welcomed me home is succumbing to a neutral cream. When asked what I think of the color, I say, “It’s not my opinion that counts! It’s all up to Randy! It’s not important to attract ME. In fact, it’s best to NOT attract me because I want to leave!”
I’m hanging lights, installing new bathroom fixtures, and painting walls – for an unknown buyer. My heart opens to their delight with this home. Its energy draws them in. It’s full of potential for happiness and LIFE!
Meanwhile, my focus is on contributing to people in my community in a last round of Satori games! Satori is the Radical Forgiveness Board Game that I love using as an energy shifting tool in my practice as a coach. Before I move away I wanted to have all my friends and clients play! I’ve been sending out emails, creating events on Facebook, and talking with people.
I want to CONTRIBUTE this powerful, fun, and surprising activity! There’s a long list of house tasks to perform, but I’m deferring those to others so I can play! For me, THIS play is my joyful work, my contribution to my community! And that’s something that I have to do myself!
Twice in the past twelve hours, friends have used the word “hard” to qualify their endeavors. Since that gave ME a charge, I figure that’s something for me to look at. “Hard”, for me, implies a list of judgments like:
“this is not acceptable”
“I don’t like this”
“I’m being forced to do something.”
When I say something is hard, there’s always a resistance to the undertaking. I’m going ahead with something reluctantly, half-heartedly, doing it only because something outside of me says it must be done.
Hard means I believe I have to stretch myself physically and mentally to accomplish my goal.
Did my friends’ reflections alert me that maybe I’m judging my own transition as “hard” when it could be “easy” with an attitude change?
Or maybe it’s neither easy or hard, just high energy. Looking back at how I have been functioning while choosing what to do with all the things in my house, I realize that sometimes I’ve thought, “this is hard, I don’t want to do this.” I’m feeling trapped.
However, it was I who dreamed of Hiking Lifestyle as I walked the trails. It is I who have said, “when I’m hiking there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.”
I wasn’t saying, “I’d rather be in my store room fingering things from my past”. So, am I confusing things by now complaining that I have attracted to myself the dissolution of my life in a house?
How can I, in my thoughts, my words, my actions, and yes, my feelings, be co-creative in the flow that is opening up for me the dream I have created? How can I make this “easy”?
There’s nothing that energizes me quite like a nice walk in the woods,especially if it’s in the woods on a long-distance trail! Walking from the Len Foote Hike Inn back to my car at Amicalola Falls Park Visitor’s Center, I danced down the trail, meeting a dozen fresh hikers starting their treks to Maine.
It’s so heartwarming to me to talk with hikers just beginning their long walk, knowing what they may encounter. I tingle inside in surrogate celebration and inner pride, wishing deeply for their success.
At home, by contrast, today, my eyes glaze over with the list of pre-move tasks. My house selling team bounce through the house, bursting with ideas for staging it just right to attract the perfect buyer. I volunteer to do some of the projects – change the light fixtures, paint walls, but it all pools in a quiet mud of overwhelm. I realize today that the complexity and immensity of this transition has not registered in my brain to be organized and scheduled. Randy, the designer, says, “You have a lot to do! Is this all going to get done?” I respond, “I think I have not internalized it all yet, maybe you need to poke me awake.”
In three weeks, I’m proposing to be ready for my new life, at least in my house. I need to remind myself to focus. Yes, it’s coming. Time to get organized!
First, offer one of my favorite prints to some possible candidates in Minnesota. They might appreciate the hand-painted lithograph of a north lake icon – the loon.
Yesterday was a miracle day! That’s when synchronicities happen that are hard to miss. I want to believe that freeing my body of that “unworthiness” belief created an energetic space for three events:
1. A prospective client called
2. A significant local advertiser invited me to be the featured community sponsor
3. My mentor group nourished me with lavish attention
4. My ideal client responded to an interview request immediately
5. I shared information, tips, and ideas on Facebook and they were gladly received.
Now, I can thrive with that kind of interaction!
Today, I can plan to keep the momentum flowing, starting with a coaching session with a social activist I met on Facebook. I can imagine collaborating with her, sharing my gifts and tools and receiving access to her community.
Today’s affirmations that are truly words that proclaim what I now see is true, not just my wish:
I give and receive abundantly with joy and purpose!
My work is valuable and desired!
I’m as popular as anyone else!
I know what to do today and I love it!
OK. Later in the day of Momentum. Hmm. I do have a challenge with focus. I lose it quickly. Do I need to label myself ADHD? Make a list? Love myself hopping from one thing to another? Accept that what suits me best is hiking. There’s the path and me with my backpack. Simple. Forward movement. Purposeful activities. Beauty always.
How can I make letting go of the things that I have and I love here and really be free of them? There are probably a thousand things in my house that could have a purpose. I have so many useful resources for crafting things and doing things and learning things. They are just stored here waiting to be used! And now, I’m proposing to liquidate my store of its useful things.
This is painful for a resource collector!
Wow! Until I actually experience something, it’s just a theory! Even though I’ve been a student of Radical Forgiveness for 7 years, I have only had this direct physical feeling of letting go of an old emotional pain that has taken up residence in my body a few times. Can you relate?
Here’s how it happened for me early this morning. I woke up abruptly. “Oh no, my sore throat is back!” I felt restless and had to get up and sneeze and pee and blow my nose. I couldn’t get back to sleep because “something” wanted to move inside me. In that sore spot in my liver area.
“OK. Pay attention. What is it saying to me?” Memories of a broken hearted thirteen year old, crushed by the teasing and rejection of her friends. “When you do things we like, we’ll like you,” they had written.
At the time, I didn’t know anything about getting help, sharing my feelings, or not believing what people said. My life changed! I went from extroverted happy, friendly child to introverted, cynical and suspicious. I stuffed it down – and remembered.
THAT was the pain coming up. THIS time, I could recognize it, allow myself to feel it, and love myself for having it, along with all of the other suffering I had piled on top of it over the last several decades.
I massaged my side, shook all over – they could have filmed The Exorcist in my room! Then I was free!
I slept til morning and woke up feeling “different.” I can’t say exactly how, but checking my phone gave a good sign that my energy had shifted. There was a message from a prospective client I had worked with ONE YEAR AGO!
At the time, she just wasn’t ready. And I had been cynical, thinking, “she really NEEDS this, but she won’t get help.” Now I realize that the one who needed help was ME and I had been projecting that on her and probably lots of other prospective clients. No wonder my business has not been full!
There she was today! Just at my moment of shifting – or even a little before calling me forth to be of service, free of my own pain, my old hurts.
Letting go of the past means being willing to FEEL the old pain, love myself having it, and letting it leave my body.
Two practices helped me have this shift. One was Daniel and his
crystal singing bowls. I received a 2-hour treatment yesterday at the Decatur Healing Arts. This vibrational technique uses pure tonal sound to massage deep within.
The second is the Radical Forgiveness Four Step Process.
- Look what I created
- I notice my judgments and feelings and love myself for having them
- I’m willing to see perfection in the situation
- I choose peace.
Experience the four step process in this free audio series from Forgiveness Walks
Now, I can celebrate FREEDOM FROM MY PAST!