December 18, 2017
I walked 1.5 miles between my hosts’ house and my grandson’s house.
Besides allowing myself to feel all my feelings while walking past my former family home, I noticed kindness bestowed by people I don’t know.
- A driver stopped, waited, then backed up. A woman popped her head out saying, “Oh sorry! I thought you were a kid.” And drove on. “I am a kid at heart!” I spontaneously replied.
- A man with a dog pulled off the sidewalk and waited while I passed. I felt honored, first assumi g that I would be the one who yielded. “Thank you!” I said. His dog jumped up and was held back. “Whew! Thank you twice!”
- A driver waited a car length back from a stop sign as I crossed in front. I waved my thanks before and after I passed.
I realized that I could have noticed equal numbers of people ignoring me, or showing unkindness. Actually, on this walk no one offered me anything that appeared unkind.
I especially enjoyed being mistaken for a kid, as I regularly encourage visitors at my visitor center programs to be as a child in the desert, full of wonder and curiosity. I guess I radiate that even walking through the wooded neighborhood in Georgia!
And I really appreciate the responsible dog owner volunteering to hold back his dog!
Today I notice kindness.
December 18, 2017
I admit, I didn’t publish yesterday’s post until today after sleeping on it. I was not willing to be that vulnerable, to show up stuck in my S.T.O.R.Y. (Sustained Tale Of Repressed Yearning).
Well, as journeys through a Radical Forgiveness transformation go, I have moved another step along and can now recognize the value of yesterday’s upset. I was experiencing the first of the five phases of Radical Forgiveness: Telling the S.T.O.R.Y. and having it witnessed and validated.
I told my story to my Creative Business Studio group, and got it validated. “I’ve been there, Keep taking your baby steps and soon you’ll fly.” My coach got to maintain my designated role for her as “insufficiently supportive in exactly the way I want” and added a heart to my post. And today, I’m also willing to tell you, faithful reader, my S.T.O.R.Y.
That’s because I have already moved on to further steps. Actually, today I’m experiencing the Third Phase – Flip the Energy Drain Switch with Willingness. (If you read closely, you can see that I was already alluding to that in yesterday’s post with my “What if” questions).
What about the Second Phase? Well, that was there, too, although I didn’t specify it. That’s Feel the Feelings. Usually that’s the most challenging for me, except for feeling angry and blaming. This time, I actually noticed that I was allowing the sadness come up. As I pushed my grandson in his stroller through my pre-divorce neighborhood, tears trickled. (Hey! Trickling tears are pretty good for me, an expert at stuffing feelings.)
So, let’s move on then shall we?
Phase Three is being willing to see there’s perfection in the situation. Well, I’m open to the idea that there are other ways to see the situation. Maybe my family role, my relationships, my business could be viewed differently. Sure. Why not?
And now, on to Phase Four: Invent a New S.T.O.R.Y. (Spiritual Truth Of the Real You, meaning me, of course, but the word is STORY, not STORM!).
I see that yesterday I was already dabbling in that too with my “What ifs”.
So, there you have it. What’s next is Phase Five: Integrating the Shift. For this story, that’s sharing this little drama with you for your entertainment. And, this time, I’m going to take a bigger step and expand it even more!
I’m going to invite you to join me in applying these five phases of Radical Forgiveness in your own journey. That’s what I really want to be doing. I want to share, teach, model, and coach courageous heartsingers to use these tools as we create a world of conscious creators!
My best way to do that right now is to create custom coaching relationships with people who want a practical, easy, effective way to turn upsets into blessings and get unstuck from the daily emotional mire.
If that’s you, reply to this email and we’ll get started!
- Delightfully affordable
- Immediately pertinent
- Surprisingly freeing
Hey! This is fun! I think I just turned my trouble into a blessing.
December 17, 2017
My role in my family is unclear. I’m making this up as I go. I am a lone grandmother. I miss John Reiter just because he should be with me because we were married. I miss the security of our former finances. We could be traveling and visiting grandchildren as retirees. But that’s a fantasy because he wants to work and not be with me because of who I am and never should have married me, so we are both lone grandparents. Besides, it’s not my business to know what he’s thinking unless he wants to tell me. I wish I had stood up for myself and our marriage more staunchly, but then I wouldn’t have done my fulfilling walks and felt loved and done my fulfilling jobs. We would have divorced anyway. My lessons in this lifetime are about shame, sexuality, personal responsibility, among others.
Forgivenesswalks is waiting for me to step up and do the work. I feel alone in that too. No one else is doing forgivenesswalks right now although there are a few women who might be attracted to sharing it.
How could my experience in Creative Business Studio be more fulfilling and work in my current life?
What would my life look and feel like if I could easily blend family with forgivenesswalks and I was feeling whole and complete in my work and relationships? What if I didn’t yearn for partnership, collaboration, balance, meaning, clear plans, all the qualities I judge lacking? What if I were truly independent, had easily changing energy and focus, flexible needs and the ability to flow in whatever situation occurred? What if money flowed easily in my life and I could work in and on forgivenesswalks whenever it was easy, in spontaneous bursts, and what if it worked through spontaneous, day-to-day, stream of consciousness posts and emails which helped people so much they happily sent me money for my coaching, mainly in regular monthly payments that all added up to $3412 a month? What if I could be wherever I wanted, with family or hiking or resting or doing nature programs, with transportation, meals, accommodations easily provided and paid for? What if could dedicate as little as couple of hours each day creating, writing, communicating to generate clients and have delightfully scheduled walks, hikes, retreats, workshops, circles during easily fulfilled times? What if various coaches’ programs felt in sync, inexpensive, and delightfully collaborative and creative, like I was really in a community of supportive businesspeople who collaborated with forgivenesswalks? What would that look like?
Am I willing to have a life like that
June 1, 2017
Together again. I perceive that my words are often upsetting, bothersome, misconstrued, prying, or other versions of disconnecting.
Back together again. My perception is that it’s important to say as little as possible about a lot of things! Plans, politics, feelings, money, perspectives, hyperbole.
Is it possible to be freely expressive without worrying if he’ll misunderstand, have a charge, not want to talk about it, or any of the other versions of separation?
I notice that I am thinking that it’s not, which is why I’m sitting here writing this rather than talking as we set off on our drive to Virginia!
December 16, 2017
I woke up even before my grandson today realizing that my entire life now could be focused on nurturing select relationships – grandkids, adult children, siblings, not to mention my own mom and my own intimate partner.
Doing the math, that’s 2+3+9+1+1 = 16! Then there are the in-laws of siblings, which adds another eight for a total of 24 family members that I could be caring about, communicating with, and supporting. I haven’t even considered the 25 nieces and nephews or the 13 or so greats. So I’m up to 53 family I could be choosing as important relationships to nurture.
How do I choose which ones?
I’m half way through my week of visiting my two grandkids. I did decide that creating relationships with them is essential and worth investing my week’s vacation and a thousand dollars on travel.
How about siblings? They have garnered varying levels of my attention in my adult life. They linger in my background as people I know I can always call. They live in widespread places where I might travel occasionally. I have a vague notion of what they’re doing and follow a few on Facebook.
One thing that has stood in my way of deeper connection with them is my belief that I’m too different to be respected. Maybe they feel the same way about me! That belief has wavered some over the years as I have transformed it. As with most limiting beliefs, they were simply mirroring my own self-hatred, so I was hearing their criticism and disinterest through my own filter of rejection. Most likely I didn’t actually know what they were thinking. All I could hear was my own self-doubt.
They, however, are the people I have known the longest – my whole life, really. They are the first people to do this magic mirroring and the ones who were there competing with me for my parents’ attention, the ones diminishing the family resources!
Before I knew about Radical Forgiveness, they were the ones I could blame for my poverty, my emotional trauma, my social struggles. Now, through the lens of the Thirteen Steps, I can be open that they were the ones helping me have these soul-defining experiences from which I could learn and grow.
December 15, 2017
What if I have a project for watching the sunrise every day, or sending a weekly blogpost, or painting every day for thirty days, or walking the Appalachian Trail?
What if I miss a day of sun watching or painting or skip a week of posting or take a day off walking?
Does that negate my success or mean that I failed?
Does it matter if I have a valid excuse for skipping a turn? How about if I had set up the project with parameters for skipping?
So, I went outside and watched the sunrise for 60 consecutive days, and on Day 61, I slept through it. My reason, my excuse, my choice was that I had traveled east to a different time zone, so sunrise was three hours earlier than my body’s rhythm had developed. I needed the rest. I did feel a little sad, a little diminished in accomplishment. Then, I decided to let myself off my made up hook. I decided that I could love myself anyway and accept this imperfection in my plan.
What if I let myself off the hook for other imperfect accomplishments in my life, like days of rest on a long distance walk, days with no painting in my thirty-Day project, a blog free week in five months of weekly posts. That seems just fine. I can accept myself having done that.
Now, I’m wondering if letting myself off the hook of self-hate could be done for even egregious inconsistencies like skipping a day of my marriage, or taking a day off work, or a day off breathing? Well, the breathing one is taken care of, right? But, suppose I could let go of self-hate for my divorce. Maybe even that project could be ongoing yet inconsistent.
I’ll ponder that!
What are your thoughts and wisdom about this?
December 1, 2017
The more I become open to the ideas that “everything happens for a reason” and “others are a mirror for my beliefs” I see those playing out on my life’s stage constantly!
Sometimes I now catch myself while feeling upset or blaming someone realizing that I have the option to reflect on how that person might be mirroring something in me that I can’t love about myself. I realize that I might have the choice to live that behavior in them and in so doing love that in myself too.
It certainly keeps things interesting!
November 29, 2017
In our 47 consecutive days of watching the sunrise, today’s is the most unique. All grayness. Still beautiful in its subtlety, yet most different from my sunrise stereotype. A message for me about forming expectations and judging certain qualities as good or bad. Do I focus on what’s missing? Perhaps indulging in gray can be beneficial. One friend said she likes gray days. They are more restful.
Step Six of the Thirteen steps asks “Are you willing to release your need to judge the situation as either right or wrong good or bad? Even if you can’t explain how can you simply allow the situation to be perfect just the way it is?” The gray sunrise reminds me of Step Six.
Try them out yourself just!
November 27th, 2017
Witness an unfolding journey of my heart:
November 25, 2017
“Love to all today. I celebrate your family fullness in my heart.” What I did not send to my adult kids today.
I feel unworthy to share this sentiment and all the turmoil of my heart as my children gather with their dad’s family for a cousin’s wedding. The feeling of separation and exclusion is not new. Heart connection was always tenuous with the inlaws, and twenty-five years into the marriage, exclusion was clearly stated. At that time, I legally had the right to be there. Ten years later, divorce just makes it official. Exclusion is now proper and justified.
But, I still feel sad, as I did while still legally included.
The Radical Forgiveness tools guide me to “love myself having these feelings and know that when I am ready I can choose peace.”
Well, today I do feel sad, and I feel unworthy to share my true feelings with my family, and even with my partner. What I believe is that my family doesn’t want my drama and my partner doesn’t resonate with my feelings about family. Since I actually have no right nor ability to project my beliefs into the minds of others, I must conclude that these beliefs are mine.
What if I project love, oneness, compassion, fullness? I resist that, and yet I’m willing to try it out, pretend that a new belief is another option.
I’ll let you know how it goes!
Later on November 25, 2017
I felt my feelings. Cried a bit. Kept silent while allowing others to mingle freely. I would not have gone to the party anyway because I am committed to the job I’m doing out here in California. I let it be ok to be here, open to the idea that I don’t know how Spirit is guiding me in this event. “I am open to the idea that this is happening not so much to me as for me.”
November 26, 2017
My son posted a video of my grandson at the family venue, innocent and cute. It was easy to feel acknowledged, included, connected to them in that moment.
Later, I received an email from my ex-husband that is a miracle! He had written the first cordial sentence he has shared since our divorce on April 9, 2013.
“Yes it was a lovely event. Lots of Skardas and two mischievous babies.”
A breakthrough, in my opinion, for the man who had declared that after our divorce it would be as if he never knew me. I graciously acknowledge this miracle of the heart!
November 27th, 2017
I acknowledge and celebrate this transformative journey. “I now see that what was occurring was exactly what my soul created for my spiritual growth and I am now grateful for this situation.”