Private

August 29, 2016

My passion for exploring inner journey work with other hikers may be one practiced by just one of us in my “intimate” partnership. My dream is to have an intimate life partner who shares this passionate occupation with me.

For today, I am happy to have a FB friend converse with me about this as a colleague! She validates and understands, and does it herself. I like that!

RideĀ 

August 27, 2016

“Let’s go to Guido’s at Rt. 7. We could get apples, lots of apples, to bring out.”

At Rt 7, we stuck out our thumbs to hitch. Dozens of cars went by with no ride. “On this road, they probably don’t know about the trail.”

We walked a bit, thumbs out. No ride. “Too discouraging. Let’s see if we can get water at that Garden store over there, then get back out on the trail.” That worked! Cindy welcomed us into the workshop and offered fresh water from the water cooler.

Back outside, we tried hitching again, this time right at the ‘Appalachian Trail’ sign. A handful of cars went by. Just about to turn to the trail, I heard a beep, then looked around to see a car pull over to the right side, then turn around. The driver was turning around to pick us up!

He lived across the road and often took hikers to Great Barrington. Yes, he would take us to Guido’s, no problem. “How are you getting back?” he asked. We had planned to hitch a ride. “That might be hard” he said. “I’ll wait for and bring you back. I can go to town later.”

“Anything you want?” I asked. “Oh no, but maybe prime rib or lobster would be good!” he joked.

We shopped lickety split. Apples. Coffee. The sushi caught my eye, so a got a tray of it. Bread. Bread would be good. John found a nice loaf of banana bread. Done.

One more thing. “Please add $5 to this gift card.”

When our trail angel, whose name I never learned, dropped us off at the trailhead, I handed him the card. “This will get you started with that lobster.”

“You didn’t have to do that! ” he said, seeming surprised. “Well, you didn’t have to drive us to Guido’s either, so we’re even! Thanks for your generosity!”

That sushi was amazing!

Trailhead Sushi!

Food Change

August 26, 2016

We found out that we like to eat our hearty meal of quinoa and chicken- or cheese! – after walking for a bit in the morning, instead of at night.

After walking all day and reaching camp at dusk or even after dark, something “light” like our cornmush seems just right!

“Emotionally Broken”

August 22, 2016

That’s what the hiker we met this morning said. Her story is that she walked from Springer to Katahdin, reaching the summit in Maine on August 4th.

18 days later, she’s already reached 725 miles in a southbound return to Springer!

“How are you doing,” I asked. Her reply, “I’m physically doing great. I’m emotionally broken. I don’t have time to talk with anyone and I hike all day and night.”

Holding Back

August 15, 2016

I am not sharing my story. I am waiting. Letting someone else call the shots. Being a loyal partner while settling for unfulfillment, taking what comes, avoiding  creating. Making assumptions that deep connection is not possible.

Avoiding taking a close look and going deeper myself.

Interesting that on this section, I now have ample time to write, to post, to connect, and I decided going into it that I wouldn’t. I would focus on making miles, letting the blogging fall away. Ironically, I have now been in this hostel for 24 hours. And I don’t want to share!

My walk seems unremarkable. I am Holding back.

I am making comments on others’ posts, writing emails to my family. Not publishing blogs. Lurking, not sharing.

Telling myself, “What I’m doing is not interesting to others, doesn’t matter, pales in comparison to the olympics, the campaign, the thruhikes.” I don’t 100% believe that, but still have a resistance to sharing anything with my list. I think, “They just want to be entertained while I do the walking, the writing, the considering, keeping up with the blogging even when it’s inconvenient, not responding, acknowledging, engaging. They want me to keep giving at my own expense.” Then, I chide myself for being selfish, arrogant, stingy, small-minded.

Right now, though, other stories are more: olympics, campaign, teralyn, Sue, Jim McClurkin. The church people are more generous than I.

Can I love myself being reluctant? Love myself being in conversation with just my family, not others? Love myself turning inward, questioning, allowing, settling?

Is it enough to be focusing my energy on my body, my rest, my inwardness? Just accomplishing the walk for myself and not on stage?

Funny, I want to ask a few people in my community- Vera, Anna, Scott, Renee. I know that sharing, even sharing this stream of consciousness banter, would be welcome, and yet I’m guarding myself, reluctant to be so generous with my story. I don’t want to be pitied and advised and soothed. Maybe I just want to be invisible right now, and love that.

So be it. I will allow, and follow, and comply.