Observing Myself in Victimland

It’s scary to think that maybe in myself is contained some of the extreme disconnect that a violent person feels before going on a rampage, even one so heinous as killing someone. I want to deny that I could do something like that, but I have to admit that the feelings are right there. I’m feeling separate from everyone and I know it. Today, I am so entrenched in my story that if I were unstable, undernourished, or easily knocked off center, I could harm someone.  Most likely, I would hurt myself first. The truth is, that I AM hurting myself by maintaining my victim story.

I woke up filled with judgment about myself, my competence to create something of monetary value to others, my ability to organize my life as a profitable business, my competence as a parent, a wife, a productive citizen. That spilled over to projection onto my partner – “He’s incompetent too, so I have to do everything.!”

I launched into “getting things done” mode, only half attentive to a logical sequence of tasks. I was trying to think my way through the short list of tasks that I could keep in my mind. Take out the recycling, start the dishwasher, drive to the paint store, write this blog post. I managed to keep my self hatred to myself and be courteous to the store staff.  “Fine, I’m fine.”   All lies.  I was shaking inside with guilt, shame, sadness, blame, all of it. And no one would know!

Fortunately, I DO have the mental capacity to observe myself. And, I have the training in Radical Forgiveness to notice when my victim story kicks in. That doesn’t prevent me from visiting VICTIMLAND sometimes, though.

This time, I actually CHOSE to explore VICTIMLAND for a while. Do a little experiment to really FEEL the pain of separation. And now, I’m ready to get out of here!  And I know HOW TO DO IT!


I took myself on a Forgiveness Walk

  • Awaken my senses
  • Energize my “nonsenses”
  • Do the 13 Steps to Radical Forgivness

The world is a better place and my heart is open to my partner and mostly, to myself.

I didn’t harm anyone

Love can flow.

Does this ever happen to you?

Tell me about it.

My Radical Transformation Worksheet about the Sandy Hook Elementary School Killings

I just DID something about the killings in Connecticutt. Since Friday, when a young man went on a rampage and killed 27 people and himself, I have wondered what I can do about it.

Colin Tipping’s article puts into clear words an action that I can whole-heartedly take. In his email to his Radical Living Community, he encourages us to be open to raising our own vibration through a willingness to be open to the possibility that the situation has a Spiritual perfection in it, possibly for several reasons:

  • It gives us a chance to demonstrate forgiveness to our children
  • It gives us a chance to look into our own tendency to act violently and rashly, even if on a smaller scale
  • It gives us a chance to be open to taking action and taking a stand
  • It gives us a chance to grieve publicly and enmasse
  • It gives us a reason to be generous and compassionate
And more.

Read Colin’s email here:

Colin Tipping’s Email

In the email, he recommends that we all do the Radical Transformation Worksheet, a quick and easy way to refocus our energy and choose peace and empowerment.

The link for the worksheet is in the email.  It’s a FREE worksheet, although Colin does ask you to register with your email address in exchange for access to the FREE downloads.  That’s a small price to pay for this huge gift to the world!

I did it!  Here’s MY worksheet all filled out.  See what you come up with, and let me know!


The Shepherds’ Play Verse

In my heart, a shepherd
In my head, a king
Before the Child together, they offer what they bring
The heart will fire the head
The head will light the heart
The Spirit Child within will know LOVE’S healing art.

Rudolf Steiner


What are your thoughts and reflections on this verse?

Please comment!

Ut hoy!   (That’s the shepherds’ greeting from the play!)